Newsletter #4

Can you hear God whisper?

Hi there,

It’s March. I can’t tell you how great it is to see the first signs of spring emerging. I love this time of year. The first few flowers poking through the soil. The morning sun rising earlier and earlier. And the subtle warmth it brings as it breaks through the icy air.

I just love it.

It’s at times like this that I really feel connected to life. I’m not entirely sure what part of life I feel connected ‘to’. But I get this incredibly strong feeling that I’m part of the bigger picture. I’m on the winning team. And with that comes a deep sense of belonging. A sense of being home.

I feel safe. I feel cared for. I feel happy.

These are the moments I hear God whispering.

Sacred Misgivings

I have to be honest. I feel decidedly uncomfortable mentioning the ‘G’ word. But seeing as the topic of this particular newsletter is God related, I suppose I better tackle it head on.

My journey out of addiction was via the 12 step programme of recovery. This is by far the most commonly used approach to addiction treatment across the world. Most rehab centres will introduce residents to the 12 step programme regardless of their addiction. It’s the solution of choice for alcoholics, heroin addicts, compulsive gamblers, sex addicts, shopaholics and people with eating disorders, to name but a few afflictions.

But there’s a surprising twist in the 12 step process that most people don’t expect. Seven of the twelve steps involve doing something with God. You have to believe in God, turn things over to God, admit things to God, ask things from God, and pray to God.

In short, if you want to beat your addiction, you better bring God into the equation.

Now, for people like me (and I know there are a lot of people like me) the mention of God isn’t just a surprising twist. It’s a full-on kick in the nuts.

Me - “You’re telling me that the only way I’m going to beat this addiction is through God?”

Addiction Therapist - “Yes”

Me - “Is there no other way?”

Addiction Therapist - “No.’

Me - “Are you sure? I don’t believe in God. There must be another way!”

Addiction Therapist “I’m sure. You could go down other paths but they usually lead to a slow and painful alcoholic death.”

Me - “I’m f***** then. Well and truly f*****.”

Addiction Therapist “Or you could try find God!”

I was one of the lucky ones. I decided to go down the path of trying to find God. I actually thought the therapist was being over dramatic saying the alternative usually leads to a slow and painful alcoholic death. He wasn’t. I know dozens of people who have chosen that path. It’s so sad.

Looking back, I do wonder why I had such an aversion to the word God. I wonder why lots of people have a similar aversion. I wonder why some people are so averse to the idea that they are willing to endure a slow and alcoholic death rather than embrace the ‘G’ word.

What do you think? What emotions are you feeling right now when you see the word God written on the screen? What thoughts are going through your mind?

It’s weird isn’t it? We squirm uncomfortably. It’s like you’ve just heard someone mention the most profane of swear words in front of your Mum.

I suspect the discomfort we feel when we hear the word God is induced by associations with religion. When we think of God we usually think of High Church. Formal ceremonies. Dogma. Rules. Indoctrination. The implicit message being: This is what you should believe in boy. This is the almighty truth. You better comply or else. When I hear messages like that, by association or not, my hackles rise, my defences go up, and a protective shield surrounds me to ensure no further messages go in.

So, if God is my only way out of addiction and yet I’ve built this impenetrable wall when I hear the word, how on earth am I going to recover?

The Genius of "As You Understand"

What strikes me now is the profound brilliance in how the 12 steps approach this thorny issue. The word "God" is always followed by three transformative words: "of your understanding."

They never define God for you. They don't present God as a fully formed concept for you to believe in or not. Instead, they invite you to discover your own version of God. They invite you on a journey to discover the divine, sacred, ineffable, universal, infinite, absolute, creative, loving intelligence for yourself.

For most people this journey begins with the smallest of inklings. There are a whole host of ready made phrases that help reluctant newbies contemplate what ‘God’ might mean to them in very plain, non-religious terms. It could be ‘Good Orderly Direction’. Or ‘Grand Overall Design’. Or even ‘Group Of Drunks’ (the ones getting better rather than the ones still drinking!!!)

From these tiny acorns of contemplation, grow ever more sophisticated conceptions of what the patterns of reality could be that guide life on earth and the mysterious expanse of space. And that incredible journey of contemplation is at the heart of addiction recovery.

I hadn't appreciated the genius of this approach until much later in my recovery. A good year into my 12 step journey, I realised my initial reluctance to even look at the word God had softened. It had started to become less of a barrier and more of an idea that was actively helping me forge a new way of living.

As I continued to cogitate, ponder, consider and dwell on the nature of life, I developed a personal understanding that likely matches no one else's on this planet. And the genius is that's absolutely fine. It’s perfect.

Because what matters most is that I found a definition that I could believe in. And at the heart of that definition was the appreciation that this force, this energy, this universal grand design of nature could orchestrate the multiplicity of life far more effectively than I ever could. This enigmatic force controls the flow of life in ways I simply cannot. It controls the passing of time. I can’t do that. It designs the interconnected nature of everything. I can’t do that. It influences the way people think. I can’t do that either. (And believe me, I’ve tried.)

As soon as we start contemplating all these facets of life, we begin to realise how little control we actually have. And once we realise that, we can turn the control we’re so desperately trying to cling on to, over to this ineffable power.

That might sound like giving up or giving in to fate. But it’s not. It’s the beautiful art of accepting what is, and surrendering to a power so much greater than ourselves.

And in surrendering to this power, to this force, to this God of our understanding, comes a profound freedom. Freedom from the need to control every aspect of our existence. Freedom to know that things will unfold as they should. Freedom to allow life to be life without our constant interference.

Unfortunately this freedom doesn’t happen overnight. It has to be practiced and earned. Because this type of liberation doesn’t come through reading books and intellectual understanding. It comes through lived experience. You have to build it up over time. Surrendering here. Surrendering there. Accepting this. Accepting that. You have to feel it to know it. But once you start to feel it, and recognise it, and put faith in it; it grows.

And that growing sense of freedom? It's absolutely priceless.

What Our Hearts Truly Seek

This freedom—this ease of living, this peace and contentment—is precisely what alcoholics and addicts are desperately chasing. You may well know the feeling. It's the same fleeting sensation you get after the first drink at the end of an intensely stressful day. That warm “Aaarrggghhh” feeling as the wine smoothly seeps into your blood stream.

As an active alcoholic I craved that feeling night and day.

At my worse I would wake up and reach out for anything that could give me that peace and contentment. It didn’t matter that it was only 7am. When normal people were perking themselves up with the first coffee of the day, I drank wine. I enjoyed that soothing ‘Aaarrggghhhh’ for about twenty precious minutes. It was beautiful.

But then the craving kicked in. All I wanted was another drink. All I cared about from 7.20am onwards was another drink. And another one. And another one. And another one.

Incessant. Pernicious. Relentless. Skin-crawling grasping for something that would never suffice.

Addiction truly is the most horrendous of afflictions.

I would eventually fall asleep at night on the sofa in a semi-comatose state. Only to repeat the cycle the following morning.

It didn’t matter that it was only 7am. I would seek out that first drink. I would drink down that first glass of morning wine and ‘Aaaarrrgggghhhh’ peace and contentment again for 20 precious minutes.

For 20 minutes I really felt connected to life. I’m not entirely sure what part of life I felt connected ‘to.’ But I got this incredibly strong feeling that I was part of the bigger picture. I was on the winning team. And with that came a deep sense of belonging. A sense of being home. I felt safe. I felt cared for. I felt happy.

Those were the moments I heard God whispering.

That was what my heart was craving all along. I thought I could forge a permanent path to that feeling via alcohol. But I now see why that would always lead to a slow and painful alcoholic death.

And now I know why God appears seven times in the 12 steps of recovery.

Listen out for your own God whispering

I recognise how divisive the word "God" can be. But I raise it because it's become such a vital part of my spiritual journey. Having some conception of a higher power or divine intelligence has been immensely practical—not something to believe in for belief's sake, but a presence to contemplate and communicate with. To build a relationship with and feel in my bones.

You don't need to adopt my understanding or anyone else's. You don't even need to use the word "God." But I do urge you to investigate the idea. Consider what power holds the universe together. Contemplate what generates life. Ponder the consciousness that underpins and guides time. Sit still and sense the energy and the power that is flowing through your body right now.

If you can appreciate it, if you can sense it, if you can hear its whisper, you have every chance of tapping into and harnessing it for yourself.

This might sound far-fetched if you've never contemplated these ideas before. It would have seemed absolutely bonkers to me just a few years ago. But I know now that there's a force to be reckoned with, and life becomes immeasurably better when that force is on your side—when you're not trying to do it all alone. The journey from resistance to relationship is worth every uncertain step.

When we stop trying to control everything and start listening to this deeper wisdom, remarkable shifts become possible. Not through force or struggle, but through gentle, persistent awareness of what already exists within and around us.

This isn't about getting perfect understanding. It's about curiosity. And exploring unfamiliar realms with a sense of wonder and awe. It’s about finding ourselves, as we are, in the universe we inhabit.

And in that meeting place, we’ll hear a familiar comforting whisper and find what we've been searching for all along.

Until next time.

Simon